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Post by TeaGirl22 on Nov 17, 2004 0:04:18 GMT -5
Tell me your most funniest jokes of anything! I have one but you have to let me know if it's funny.
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Post by brunneng on Nov 17, 2004 9:24:05 GMT -5
Tell me your most funniest jokes of anything! I have one but you have to let me know if it's funny. Gee, I don't know if I know any jokes, but I'm willing to give it a try!  How about...a horse walks into the vet's office and the vet says, "Why the long face?"  Give us your joke TeaGirl! ;D  ...doing fine, up here, huh, on cloud nine... |
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Post by TeaGirl22 on Nov 17, 2004 21:25:07 GMT -5
 Ok here is mine This lady got on to a bus and was sitting in front of this kid who kept talking and talking and talking . Well the lady got so fedup she said to the kid "Hey do you mind shutin your pipe hole?" the kid replied "Wich end?" the lady said "what do you mean wich end? do you smell or hear anything here?"
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Post by brunneng on Nov 18, 2004 9:29:22 GMT -5
Ok here is mine This lady got on to a bus and was sitting in front of this kid who kept talking and talking and talking . Well the lady got so fedup she said to the kid "Hey do you mind shutin your pipe hole?" the kid replied "Wich end?" the lady said "what do you mean wich end? do you smell or hear anything here?" I don't get it! :laughing :laughing :laughing We'll talk later! ;D ...my girl... |
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Post by curet30 on Nov 18, 2004 12:04:56 GMT -5
Some of y'all may have heard this before but it's only one of two I know:
A man was looking to buy a horse at a bargain rate. He was referred to the church near the end of town. The man stops by and he is greeted by the pastor. He looks around and after a few minutes, the man picks out the one he likes. "Good choice" says the pastor. "this is a fine horse". After the purchase is made, the pastor says "There is one thing you should know. This horse is unlike any other horse you may be familiar with. To make the horse go, you must say 'Hallelujah'; 'Giddy-up' will not make him go anywhere. And you also must remember, to make him stop, you must say 'praise the Lord'.
The man figured that was simple enough. However, right away he forgets and says 'Giddy-up' and the horse goes nowhere. One look at the pastor and he suddenly remembers and says 'Hallelujah' and off they go. The horse gallops through the edge of town and starts heading further away from town. The man takes the ride in stride and enjoys the scenery. All of a sudden the man notices they're approaching a cliff. He starts fumbling trying to remember the command to stop. The man starts to recite Psalm 23, the Lord's Prayer and Ten Commandments but the horse continues. Just as he reaches the edge of the cliff the man cries out 'PRAISE THE LORD' and the horse comes to an abrupt stop, inches from the edge of the cliff. The man, relieved, wipes the sweat off his brow and says
'thank you Jesus.....(pant-pant-pant)
....glory.....(pant-pant-pant)
.....Hallelujah'
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Post by brunneng on Nov 18, 2004 14:15:31 GMT -5
That's an oldie, but a goodie!! ;D I should know, I told it 15 years ago, too! ...don't look back... |
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Post by keres on Nov 19, 2004 1:02:24 GMT -5
Hallelujah
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Post by Dbaby on Nov 19, 2004 16:28:30 GMT -5
Ok, the only joke that I can think of when I'm on this board is this joke I told when I first started posting. I just remember that Ivory loved it and has made me tell it a few times since! But here it is: Two blondes are in the woods and they come along a set of tracks. They started arguing about where they came from. "Their BEAR tracks!" "No, their DEER tracks!" and this went on for about 15 minutes until the train came by and killed them both. |
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Post by brunneng on Nov 20, 2004 9:30:44 GMT -5
Ok, the only joke that I can think of when I'm on this board is this joke I told when I first started posting. I just remember that Ivory loved it and has made me tell it a few times since! But here it is: Two blondes are in the woods and they come along a set of tracks. They started arguing about where they came from. "Their BEAR tracks!" "No, their DEER tracks!" and this went on for about 15 minutes until the train came by and killed them both. I like a girl with a sense of humor! Keep it up! ...papa was a rollin' stone... |
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Post by bugs2u on Nov 28, 2004 14:30:12 GMT -5
Ok, here's one:
A burglar breaks into a house and starts to steal stuff. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you." He shakes his head, and keeps on going. He hears the voice again say, "Jesus is watching you!" He keeps on going from room to room until he gets to the kitchen. There he sees a parrot.
He says to the parrot, so your the smart-a** who's been talking, what's your name? The parrot says, "Moses." He laughs and says, "what kind of people name their bird Moses? "I don't know says the parrot, I guess the same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus!"
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Post by brunneng on Nov 28, 2004 14:53:53 GMT -5
Ok, here's one: A burglar breaks into a house and starts to steal stuff. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you." He shakes his head, and keeps on going. He hears the voice again say, "Jesus is watching you!" He keeps on going from room to room until he gets to the kitchen. There he sees a parrot. He says to the parrot, so your the smart-a** who's been talking, what's your name? The parrot says, "Moses." He laughs and says, "what kind of people name their bird Moses? "I don't know says the parrot, I guess the same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus!" An oldie, but a goodie! :wtg ...get ready... |
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Post by Gua on Nov 29, 2004 8:02:04 GMT -5
Late Thanksgiving humor............... A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"  ;D ;D |
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Post by Weak4Weeks on Dec 22, 2004 3:25:31 GMT -5
Late Thanksgiving humor............... A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" ;D ;D I don't understand this at all help me I need a laugh |
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Post by Gua on Dec 22, 2004 4:47:52 GMT -5
The parrot assumed that the turkey (frozen) was punished.
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Post by Gua on Dec 22, 2004 4:54:03 GMT -5
I must have you right now!
A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, " I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said " When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down.
Call me back and tell me what happened." An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said " That M.F. had $500 in quarters.
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Ok here is mine 
