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Post by 2Sweet on Jul 9, 2003 19:27:59 GMT -5
There is often a tendency to associate maturity with age or experience, especially in relationships. Statistics have proven that girls physically and emotionally mature faster than boys (and don't ask me to cite it either). But in the case of of relationships and dating, does the question of age being a significant factor hold true? I'd really like to know some of your positions on this topic. You may even have a case in point you'd care to share.  |
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Post by SoulStirrer on Jul 9, 2003 20:01:53 GMT -5
The first thing we have to do is define maturity.
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Post by Lynnie on Jul 9, 2003 21:27:04 GMT -5
Well, the way I look at maturity, no, age doesn't matter. And experience doesn't really matter either. I'm only 19 (20 in less than a month!) and I think I have my head on straighter than a lot of people I know older than me. I haven't been through much of anything relationship-wise (or otherwise). The one I'm in now is my first one. But I think so far (it's been over a yr) I've handled it pretty well even though I'm still learning.
I think your "maturity" comes from your mindset more than anything.
Now the ONLY way I personally feel age matters is when it comes to certain things. For example, me, being 19 am no where near as interested in marriage or a family as say a 26 yr old. Know what I mean?
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Post by Ivory Fair on Jul 9, 2003 21:51:11 GMT -5
I've dated a 24 year old, I've dated a 54 year old. I haven't noticed a significant difference in the maturity level of either. That's not an insult, I just think that once you reach adulthood, you're pretty much doen as much growing up as you're gonna do.
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Post by Aba21 on Jul 9, 2003 23:28:16 GMT -5
Living life to the fullest and not making the same mistake twice usually defines some sort of maturity level. Being able to lead and not follow. Going your own way even if it means leaving behind some things you may really like but to improve as a person you must be able to change and adjust to change without complaining about it all the time. In relationships age only matters when you can't relate on a conversation level. When you have nothing in common other than the physical, then that too will run its course over time. Depending on what your goals are in terms of work and family will determine what kind of relationship you will settle for. That person needs to be able to understand what you want out of life and is it what they want also? But in a relationship there is such much give and take that must be done and that give and take cannot be done by one. When you are out on your own and have to learn to budget your money to pay bills and live will mature you in a hurry. It's no fun having the cable turned off, the phone or the electric cause you chose to spend the money on something you wanted for that moment and not take care of the long term need. I think its called discipline.
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Post by SoulStirrer on Jul 10, 2003 0:34:25 GMT -5
You said so much good stuff, I wanted to examine it thought by thought:
Living life to the fullest and not making the same mistake twice usually defines some sort of maturity level
What do we mean when we say "living life to the fullest"?
Are there mistakes that we can make more than once, still retaining some sort of maturity level?
Being able to lead and not follow.
If everyone leads, who follows?
Going your own way even if it means leaving behind some things you may really like but to improve as a person you must be able to change and adjust to change without complaining about it all the time.
Doing things you don't like for the greater good, eh? Can you change and adjust and still complain? Is the action greater than the perception, or vice versa?
In relationships age only matters when you can't relate on a conversation level.
Suppose you are of the same age, but can't relate, unable to generate a stream of conversation? Would age then matter?
When you have nothing in common other than the physical, then that too will run its course over time.
Deeper meaning, deeper relationships show a sign of growing maturity?
Depending on what your goals are in terms of work and family will determine what kind of relationship you will settle for. That person needs to be able to understand what you want out of life and is it what they want also? But in a relationship there is such much give and take that must be done and that give and take cannot be done by one.
Setting parameters in the relationship? Establishing roles in the relationship?
When you are out on your own and have to learn to budget your money to pay bills and live will mature you in a hurry. It's no fun having the cable turned off, the phone or the electric cause you chose to spend the money on something you wanted for that moment and not take care of the long term need. I think its called discipline.
Now I know what I didn't do this mo
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Post by MzClassic on Jul 10, 2003 10:27:26 GMT -5
Interesting Topic...Age does matter when it comes to man's laws in this country, like driving, drinking, certain media material etc. As for maturity, that's a different story, when you can show responsibility for your own actions, reap what you sow without whining, learn lessons from your mistakes, forsake a vengeful heart, forgive others, treat other's as you wish to be treated, be un-selfish, be willing to compromise, know that life has it's share of ups and downs and be willing to pick yourself up when you're down, over look other's real or imagined short-comings, know that you can make it on your own without being dependent... In my opinion these are just a few things that makes one a mature individual. ![]() temptsinfo.com/smilies/wtg.gif![]() |
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Post by MzClassic on Jul 10, 2003 10:34:59 GMT -5
As for relationships...2sweet, I agree about the levels of maturity when it comes to men and women of the same age. I've found that over the years as a woman(especially in the 25 to 35 age range) if you're seeking to find someone for mental stimulation, as well as the physical go at least 5yrs. older (to stay within the realms of things in common)...Younger than say 5yrs. or younger than you...Physical stimulation is about all you get, in most cases.
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Post by Dbaby on Jul 10, 2003 17:45:05 GMT -5
There's a 4 year old who goes to my church who is just darling and he's about at mature as anyone I've ever met.
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Post by sukkafu on Jul 12, 2003 2:36:44 GMT -5
NIECE BABY- YOU WOULDN'T DATE HIM/HER THOUGH!  ivory sweet- if your 24 and 54 are the same in maturity level - either your 54 yr old never grew up -which is why it's weird to have him go out with his DAUGHTER and /or the 24 yr old is unusually incredibly mature and wise - which is why YOU'RE not with him anymore you wild thing! or... it's because you're asleep at the wheel which i don't believe for a minute! age does make a difference! my 16 yr old will not date a 22 yr old, a 26 yr old, a 34 yr old, a 29 yr old. nothing in common and besides , what's the punk need my 16 yr old for? it's because he's a pedophile waiting to get his a** jacked up by her daddy! if anyone thinks that the teacher in seattle a few yrs ago that left her husband and 3 daughters to have a relationship with an asian boy of 13 and she was 35 at the time - then she had a kid by him, then she went to jail, got out, met with him against court order, had ANOTHER child by him, went back to jail , both kids are without a mother and raised by the 15 or 17 yr old's parents- age makes a difference! emotionally, mentally, physically, socially... kids think they're so mature and cool to date older folks- the older folks have one thing on their mind- sex- and they're afraid of aging and don't want to deal with it. american society puts out filth everyday and aging baby boomers buy into it lock stock and barrel. i get inundated daily with VIAGRA ads, LENGHTENING YOUR YOOHOO, INCREASING YOUR BOOB SIZE, HGH BALONEY WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU YOUTHFUL AGAIN,MAGIC LOSE WEIGHT B.S., MAGIC PILLS THAT MAKE YOUR BILLS GO AWAY AND SOLVE EVERYTHING FOR YOU SO YOU CAN GO PLAY ... a 16 yr old should date in groups and not get serious with anyone. it is dangerous. it is also silly because 99.9% of the time your first romance isn't your last. date many folks, weed out the ones you wouldn't be comfortable knowing further. keep it light and fun. no pressure to get married at 18,19, 20. i strongly believe in traditional marriage and traditional courtship and old fashioned morals- God's morals. A 45 yr old dating a 53 yr old still have a little gap but are a lot closer in common than if it was a 19 yr old dating a 27 yr old. a 19 yr old is still in school and concerned about education. a 27yr old is 5 yrs removed from school and may be already married and may already have a successful career going and even be a parent! i had 3 kids at age 27 and had been married for 7 yrs. any way that's my opinion. i strongly recommend you read dr. laura's 10 things women do to screw up their lives. also read 10 things men do to screw up their lives. excellent books. i also urge you to visit www.family.org and read and listen to dr. james dobson's focus on the family- it has a lot of excellent stuff on dating, marriage, sex, all from the Christian point of view. |
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Post by sukkafu on Jul 12, 2003 2:51:47 GMT -5
here's another case of age makes a difference.
i have an ex employee that was 23 when i met him and he was dating a 49 yr old woman who was twice divorced with 3 grown up kids older than him.
they were told by many folks not to get married. they did and they stayed married for 5 yrs - then what i thought would happen happened. she got too old lookingfor him and he felt he could do better with a younger more attractive girl. he didn't want kids then but now he's thinking different. so they're divorced.
we had a friend at church who's mother was a special lady. her daughter had 2 kids and she was mentally retarded so she knew not the fathers. the kids were great . but the mother left, and so grandma was stuck struggling to take care of them on a fixed pension. then grandma got sick. well, during this time the girl was hanging out at a bowling alley, and at age 14 she met a u.s. marine who was working part time and was married and had 3 kids. he was 40. he started to pay attention to her and she even brought him to a church youth group and introduced him as her uncle! well, ''uncle'' soon started having sex with this girl and she got pregnant. we had him kicked out of the marines and fired from the bowling alley. her legal guardian was dying so there were no charges pressed. however he ended up divorcing his wife, the girl got pregnant again and had a little girl. and they shacked up and told everyone they were married. well, that was a lie because just 1 yr ago they were finally married. the grandma died and left a little money to her. she and this specimen of a dirtbag lived on welfare-he couldn't get a job- she's 21 now and he's 48 and they live in government subsidized housing! she's suffered from 3 cancer operations and their baby girl has major problems with medi-Cal and the taxpayers paying for al this.
do you see how age does make a difference? this relationship too is on the rocks and they've been to counseling and he actually joined the church but doesn't come out but once every 3 months or so.
she wants to end the relationship but she's in a wheelc hair recovering from cancer.
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Post by Dbaby on Jul 12, 2003 16:31:13 GMT -5
NIECE BABY- YOU WOULDN'T DATE HIM/HER THOUGH! You are correct! |
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