Let`s have some fun

[Elvis84]

Everyone, please try to write at least one joke, OK

Here are mine:

*****
What song was Tarzan singing when he slid down the grapevine?

Great Balls of Fire.
*****
Mortal : What is a million years like to you?
God : Like one second.
Mortal : What is a million pounds like to you?
God : Like one penny.
Mortal : Can I have a penny?
God : Just a second...
*****
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one
night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"
Still, there was no response.
Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"
*****
Some American laws:

In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
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It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
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In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
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New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
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In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
the sidewalks when a concert is on.
------
Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap
pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.

So don`t you brake any laws !!!

A real-life robbery:

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

That`s it for now.

[kalisa2]

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shouted from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

HONESTY
My son, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to
my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

[Peach]

This is probably an old one, but one of my favorites:

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is that common?"

"It's not unusual."

[DramaLJDiva]

When it isn't the right time, I can think of jokes and puns easily, but now when I am asked to, I can't think of any at all!

[iratherlikeme]

This is my favorite joke and although it's not really funny at all I always crack up.

Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
********
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
********
A guy sees a sign that says TALKING DOG FOR SALE in front of a house. Interested, he knocks on the door, and the owner tells him that the dog is out back. The guy goes outside to meet the dog.
"You talk?" he asks the mutt.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So what's your story?" the guy asks.
"Well, I discovered at a young age that I had this gift and I wanted to help the government, so I joined the CIA," the dog says. "They had me jetting from country to country, sitting in with world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was a spy for eight years. But the jetting around wore me out, so I switched to airport security, where I uncovered some major dealings and was awarded medals. I took a wife, had some puppies, and now I'm retired."
The guy is astounded, so he goes inside to ask the owner how much the dog costs.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
Surprised, the guy asks, "Why are you selling him for so little?"
The owner replies, "That dog's a freaking liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

[sukkafu]

you guys are so corny and silly- i like those old and fun jokes!

i'm like diva- i'm funny but not a joke book reciter. iam a joke myself!

telegram to father from 18 yr old away at college-

no mon. no fun. your son.

father's reply telegram-

how sad. too bad. your dad.

[Elvis84]

You have probably heard of it all before, but:

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole-- --the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.) :bonk:

A man walked into a Circle-K , put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

******
Two blondes are walking along the street. One of them says: "Look, a dead bird!" The other one looks at the sky and asks: "Where?"

[Aba21]

Kalisa2...one question? Is there a difference between stark naked and buck naked? ;D

[tdallasw]

one to think about....
What's the difference between a stick up and a hold up?

Age ;D :laughing:

[sukkafu]

tdallas- and on sunday no less!

you're so dumb you think a mexican border pays rent!

you're so dumb you thought you were too poor to raise a flag by yourself!

you're so dumb you think cheyenne is the birthplace of timid girls!

[kalisa2]

Aba: Is there a difference between stark naked and buck naked?

definitely! stark is for lady nekkidiness, buck is for the guys. Does that help?

get it? does...bucks oh deer!!

so sorry, I was given this defective brain and I don't even make sense to ME anymore!

[Aba21]

And you figured that out all by yourself, huh? hmmmmmmmm.........I see!. I have the name of a therapist I could recommend if you'd like!!! ;D ;D ;D

[sukkafu]

isn't it great that kal2galpal NUDE DE ANSWER? ;D