BrownSugar
Tempt Fanatic
"Imagine all the people, living life in peace."
Posts: 43
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Post by BrownSugar on Dec 27, 2002 15:18:56 GMT -5
I have a question for the men as well as the ladies out there. Recently my boyfriend (formerly known as powdered sugar) decided that after 4 years and a child together that we were incompatable and needed to break up. While I am very sad about this, I really don't have the time to sit around and cry over it. Since the breakup we have stayed on good speaking terms and have managed to get along fairly well.... that is until last night. Since he now lives an hour and a half away from Chloe and I and it is hard for him to get back and forth because of his broken leg, my parents allowed him to spend the night last night so he could spend some quality time with his child. After she went to bed to two of us went into the front room to watch some t.v. All of a sudden he decides that he wants a little action. Of course I turn him down, I told him that he coudn't have the lovin' without the commitment. So he got upset and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the evening. My question is: why to some men think that they can totally break your heart, but come right back around and expect you to put out for them whenever they feel the urge?  |
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Post by SoulStirrer on Dec 27, 2002 15:47:42 GMT -5
Bluntly, because a lot of men think that a lot of women are as stupid as they(men) are. That's misreading a situation to the fullest, then is embarrassed to acknowledge the error in judgement. So, instead of talking about it, we get angry.
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Post by MikeNYC on Dec 27, 2002 16:19:57 GMT -5
Some women do the same thing.Me,myself I'm like The Moments,I want love on a two way street. A relationship is a two way commitment that BOTH parties have to contribute to. And "Action" is not the important part. The "Action " is not as good without the commitment.There's more to love than fun&games. If a child is involved,the first order of business is the child. I know some men will not do for the child if the mother is not sexually involved with them. Some women will not let the father see the child for the same reason,because they are not sexually involved with the father. Children did not ask to come here,so why should they suffer for their parents actions? I think that the child should come first. I'm a Gemini,if the woman doesn't want to,I doublely don't want to! It takes two,baby!
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Post by Ivory Fair on Dec 27, 2002 23:28:14 GMT -5
(((((Sugar))))) ........... I'm afraid I don't have any advice as I'm not a man, but congratulations to you for standing your ground!!!  |
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Post by sukkafu on Dec 28, 2002 19:09:53 GMT -5
you are asking the wrong guy, brownsugar, because from me you'll get the conservative, old fashioned morality. dr. laura schlessinger has a wonderful book for you to read called ''10 stupid things women do to ruin their lives''. we have it. we also have her 10 stupid things men do to ruin their lives. and her other book how dare you. dr. laura feels that women should not give out the treats until men perform the tricks. the fact that you established a physical relationship outside the bonds of matrimony opened the door for this bozo to do what he did. he has no desire to commit because he never had to. he had no reason to because he was given none. on the other hand , why mess with someone who wouldn't take you down the aisle in the first place. now the situation is such that THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD is the first priority . if mr. wrong is not willing to take care of his child, get the d.a. on his butt, get the dmv to suspend his license for lack of child support, and withhold his child from him. why should the child have a loser dad to have visitation rights? just because he planted a seed? remember the story of the little red hen-if you don't do the baking, you don't get to eat the finished product! ANY MAN WHO WON'T TAKE CARE OF A PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY HAS NO HEART, NO SOUL, NO CONSCIENCE. I BET YOU THAT LITTLE BUNDLE IS SO CUTE AND LOVABLE! I LOVE ALL MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS-THEY'RE SICK OF ME KISSING THEM TO ! i hope you are not hurting too much and that you'll recover soon. another great guy to listen to and read is dr. james dobson on focus on the family, he's been a psychologist and author for 35 yrs and has done family therapy in los angeles and in other states. he does focus on the family from colorado spring and his website is www.family.orgi hope this helps you somewhat. i will pray for you. |
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Post by MikeNYC on Dec 28, 2002 19:12:55 GMT -5
Yes,Yes,Sukka,and don't stop!
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Post by sukkafu on Dec 28, 2002 19:17:46 GMT -5
by the way, brown sugar, my father left us when i was 5 and my brother was 9. i talk to the man occasionally, and he's in a rest home in ny state. but he's a loser.
my bio dad paid us 0 for support and never kept in contact.
my mother remarried to a man in 1963 who took on 2 kids and thursday was their 39th anniversary. he's been my father 39 of 44 yrs and has been there for us and we have a relationship of father and son. we have a brother from them that lives in colorado.
it's about commitment and relationships. my bio dad could care less.
my step dad is my dad. he's a stepdad because he took the steps to be my dad.
i am also a stepdad. my stepson is 28. he's my son since 1984 and we are even closer than my 4 other biological children! we love each other so much.
i have raised him since he was 10. he has a relationship with his bio dad, but bio dad is more like a friend than a father to him.
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Post by janebse on Dec 28, 2002 19:31:00 GMT -5
Right on, Sukka, tell it like it is.
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Post by sukkafu on Dec 28, 2002 19:43:05 GMT -5
it's very good of you brown sugar to turn to us. we're honored that you think enough of the good people on this board to share an intimate personal problem you are facing. but the bright hope is you don't have to face it alone. you have God, you have us, you have parents, you have so many resources, and you have you!
you are a bright intelligent woman and mom-use what you got and don't let any person keep you or your baby down.look at it this way- if you were attractive enough to have him give you attention, then you will be to other men who will be real men that put on working shoes and not just playing shoes!
where do you find a good man? the best place to start is in the church of your choice. find somebody active in your church and chances are-not 100 percent -but better than looking in a bar.
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BrownSugar
Tempt Fanatic
"Imagine all the people, living life in peace."
Posts: 43
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Post by BrownSugar on Dec 28, 2002 22:43:59 GMT -5
Just an update: My ex called last night to apologize for his behavior. We had a two hour phone conversation in which we discussed all of our issues and we now seem to be on the same page. We have both made mistakes, but we realize that our top priority is our daughter and he knows that I would never ever her to get back at him. I have absolutely no respect for people who do that. Thanks for the wonderful words of wisdom! You guys are the best!  |
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Post by sukkafu on Dec 28, 2002 23:24:25 GMT -5
that's what we're here for!
just be extra careful. you're absolutely right- that precious baby of yours is not a pawn for politics or retribution.
set some ground rules for your relationship. make sure you don't set yourself up for heartache again.
it's ironic that as a society today we want guarantees on our fridges and stereos and cars and dishwashers and computers and cellphones and contracts and job security- but on something so important as our own lives we allow ourselves to dive in uncharted and shark infested waters with no safety lines and no lifesavers and we end up drowning in heartache. not that marriage is a guarantee of success. what is a more sure way of success is mutual respect and the love that you need beyond the ''jungle fever'' so tenderly displayed on today's media.
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Post by Aba21 on Dec 29, 2002 0:38:54 GMT -5
I must say I have enjoyed reading this thread. The people on this board are everything I thought they were and you couldn't get a better reaction to your problem. I applaud you for having the courage to put your personal situation on here and I am even more proud of the response you got. I'm sorry I was not here to chime in but as you can see they did a whale of a job and I concur with their thoughts. Good luck and remember the child comes first.! |
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Post by sukkafu on Dec 29, 2002 1:36:42 GMT -5
i was thinking of you tb when i was putting it together, bro. i was representin' for you. |
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Post by MikeNYC on Dec 29, 2002 4:19:03 GMT -5
Just remember Brown Sugar the child comes FIRST ! And don't except no B.S. !  |
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Post by earthangel on Dec 29, 2002 12:59:24 GMT -5
Brown Sugar, I hope that no other serious conflicts arise concerning the baby. And if they do, I know you'll be smart enough to deal with them. And if ya need a little advice, come to the board and ask some of these great people. Sukka, you were on the ball man! I like what you said about stepdads. And it takes a man to raise a child, but a bigger one to raise one thats not his own.
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